Natasha White Designs

In the midst of going through all my stuff last week I found an old planner I had, that I had never used, except for a couple of days. And two addresses that were in it. It was black and impersonal and very not me. And while I intended to use it to be more productive and professional, I never did. And I was going to gift it to the one of the children. And as it sat on my dining room table I glanced at it and wondered what would happen if I painted it.

Because if I am going to give it to the children then it wouldn’t have mattered if I wrecked it, so I grabbed my paints.

And oh my freaking gosh. I love this now!!! It was the first time I had embossed and it isn’t perfect, but I love that anyway.

I also painted the inside. And all of it has had a couple of coats of polyurethane.

And I gutted the inside. I threw away the professional, impersonal insides and made new dividers that I painted. And so far that is where I have stopped. Because it was getting close to procrastination of other things that need to get done this week.

But all the dividers were painted in a colour of the rainbow, and then a pink one. And they are all in rainbow order – ROY-G-BIV. And while nothing is fixed yet I have roughly decided the folders will be:

1. To-dos
2. Routines
3. Planner
4. Business
5. Dreams
6. Money
7. Address details
8. Snipperts/notes/ideas

Though I will just try these out for a while. See what works and what doesn’t before any labels get attached, because more than anything else I want to actually use this.

I am thinking the dividers will all end up as a mini work of art with a pithy quote of inspiration, but we will see.

I wanted to get on with the doing, rather than the prettying up and getting it perfect, because if I wait for the perfect, it will never happen.

So far I have just clipped some holes in paper from to-do pad I had and slipped those in. But I have ideas for the planner etc, and how I want it to look that I will actually use it, so that will be my job over the next wee bit. Getting my crap together.

As I begin to make this thing I do my business, and make business plans and all that other grown up stuff…I have somewhere to put it all, even if in my perfectionist OCD-ness I end up redoing it five times, it is time to make a start.

This post was for the Butterfly Effect, but it is horribly late because my portrait would not co-operate and I made a stupid mistake, so she has not made it to centre-stage this week, but I am linking anyway, in case people still make it here to see her emergence!

I thought I would document the portrait once I had the first layer of the underpainting down. So you first have to imagine a background that has many layers and scribbles (including with a bloody permanent ink pen which for reasons that will become obvious I will never use again, even if it is the closest pen to me), and I decided to use that for the portrait.

Then you have to imagine a quick sketch with my Stabilo marks all.

Then you can see what happened with a bit of titanium white and paynes gray added….

And some more paynes gray and white…

And some more work on highlight and shadows…

Now the first layers of colour…(all seeming so fricken straight forward at this stage)

Sketching in a rough hair line when the paint had dried…

And what on earth is that???

Oh….that is fricken permanent ink pen finding red riding hood that I will never use again because it is pushing it’s way through LAYERS of paint. LAYERS!

I had panic and thoughts of starting again, and how am I going to work with this. And then I turned to my friend. Clear Gesso. FOUR LAYERS. In the hope that would seal in the pen and I could cover it.

And then it dried…and it became more visible…but hopefully sealed??

Underpainting…again…almost like deja vu…This time with only paynes gray, no white…putting in my shadows.

Adding in some white…AKA project cover up…

But not covered up enough…

Face not working for me. So I do some scientific calculations…using a very accurate measurement device…

And so some more underpainting…

And realising I forgot ears…

And while that is drying, blocking out some background…

Putting some colour back in…

And blocking in some hair…

A few more layers…

And a few more layers…thinking I may be on the home stretch…

I made a flower for her hair…out of book text, but because I did not take a photo of that I will show you a close up of the finished portrait…

And then I hated her eye…and I tried fixing it, and I decided to just paint over it. Though this painting has made me imagine a series of one-eyed portraits…

Starting to rebuild the eye…

And finally finished…there are no more progress shots because it was finished at night and the light is rubbish for photos…

And lessons learnt…NO MORE PERMANENT INK PEN.

I don’t know if it is just me, but life seems to be going so fast at the moment. And I feel very productive which is even better! I like it when I feel like I am keeping up and not two blocks behind!

I am still volunteering at the local woman’s refuge, and watching their programmes I have decided to donate 10% of everything I sell full-stop to them, rather than just my exhibition. It was kind of a hard decision, because it is not like I have a plentiful money tree, but I believe in them, and at some point I need to put my money where my mouth is, and have faith that everything will work out and there is enough for everyone to have their needs met.

And the weather has just turned a bit, so after the manic running around and running errands that was today, I have just lit a fire, and I intend to sit there very soon and drink my tea before I get on with the other chores I wanted to get done today.

I have still to finish my tidying task for today (Rhomany’s course), though it is started. And I have done some form of art every single day for the last few weeks, including this morning. And I have more I want to do tonight.

And to breathe. I am just starting to meditate again, not a lot, but as much as I can with where I am now, and I don’t know if that is making the difference but I do feel very grounded. And I woke at 5am to bake a cake for the graduates of a programme at the Woman’s Refuge who were graduating today. Because a celebration is always better with cake.

And I am painting rocks…art rocks

And another shot!

And my drawers are looking fabulous with so much rubbish that I have cleared out of them.

I am just so happy and content right now. More money would be welcome, but all too often good moments get swallowed in the business and I wanted to document the goodness in life right now. The connections, and the way I am using my time. Everything feels very in alignment with me.

There will be no photos to go with this post, because frankly that would be horrifyingly humiliating.

I am doing a Whimsical Workspace course with Rhomany over at Willowing. And on the surface my house is relatively company ready, but open a drawer or cupboard and there are some out of control bush fires at my house.

Especially me keeping “ephemera” for my art journal, which is really a waste of time because primarily I am a painter so it is little wonder little of it has been used and it is getting out of control.

I think having too much stuff can be more paralysing to creating than having only a little bit.

I have a collection of things that will be heading up north hopefully, along with something that is freaking perfect for her that I just found and instantly thought of her.

And some junk is going straight to the bin. Like broken plates I kept so I could try mosaic…which I haven’t done in the last couple of years since I stored them, and not likely to do anytime soon, because there is so much other stuff I want to do, so basically just broken crockery taking up room. It is no wonder that I can’t do any art at my art desk as it has become an art supply storage place. And I have things in storage that don’t need to be there and that real estate could be art supply storage.

So I don’t have to art at the dining room table and couch (though honestly that will probably still happen anyway!)

So that is where I am today. And I have an art journal out that I am pasting stuff into. Just sticking it all in. Because even if it ends up getting covered in paint, I want some storage back. And some stuff has to go. So I am using it, and throwing it and hopefully give some away as well!

At first when I began throwing things out, I had that, oh no, money isn’t exactly plentiful at the moment so if I need it then I can’t replace it. But that becomes so self-fulfilling. And I have faith that I will always have what I need. And even more than that, if I have not used it in the last couple of years, it is more than likely that won’t change anytime soon, and I won’t even miss it. Especially when stored in a drawer that never gets open because it is so full that stuff overflows if does get opened.

And a happy bonus is that I have found things that I had on my art supply shopping list, hiding under junk. And some things I had even forgotten I had. It feels a bit like Christmas!!

And also freaking embarrassing that I have let it get to this stage.

So this has been taking up a lot of time for me this week.

I suggested it as a theme over at the Butterfly Effect, and I had an idea of what I was going to do. A couple of ideas actually.

And then when I started, the paint just would not go how I saw it in my head.

And I think it is because being part-Māori, there is so much meaning behind this subject that is personal to me. And so I dwelled and got stuck, and overworked, and felt generally overwhelmed.

And then yesterday. I thought stuff it. And I painted over most of it. And started with a new body that was more “whimsy” than tribal, but I needed to move it forward, so the body was made out of book text and then suddenly I could get on, and not worry about the outcome or anything else, but just be mindful of the process instead.

It now looks completely different to how I saw it in my head, but I have sketched out those ideas for other paintings so I don’t lose them. And I am happy with this. Finally. And my tattoo snuck in as well!

My goodness.

It is first things Sunday here and I have taken photos and now to get this post up before Amy posts at Butterfly Effect where I am of course linking.

Then on to make waffles for breakfast, because we have a sleepover thing going on and after spending most of ALL day yesterday cutting flowers. And much of the past couple of days…to cut over a 1000, because I had an idea about how I wanted my hydrangeas to look in my head. I am glad they came out how I saw them in my head, because otherwise I would be devastated.

But I am now out to recoup some mothering points so waffles for breakfast.

But first this post!

I first had in my head a Brian Froud type fairy, but I was procrastinating, because the idea terrified me, so I just drew a fairy with my non-dominant hand, to stop obsessing, and then decided to only paint her in watercolours. This is the first “proper” thing I have ever painted ONLY in watercolours.

I don’t have a lot of colours so there was a lot of mixing involved. Including all skin tones!!! I didn’t want to use even my watercolour pencils. I just wanted to stick to watercolour. I have only used them in my journal before now, as part of a background, so this was a good learning experience.

I was going to use some pigments and gum arabic in her wings, but when I went to get them I found my twinkling h20s I had bought of Trade Me (the New Zealand version of ebay) for a bargain.

And so I used some of those in the wings and the grass. I have used them only a couple of times and have not being that impressed with them, but I really like the very subtle shimmer that they left on this. So I don’t regret their purchase completely now.

Here is a photo with the flash on, so you can see the very subtle shimmer…

I am happy with her and how she came out. And DAMN happy with my hydrangeas.

The other night I was listening to podcasts by Ricë, (I won’t mention how dreadfully far behind I am in listening) and I had in my head that I had to do something while I listened. (Hence why I am behind in listening to them, because I don’t know about other people but I cannot do other things and listen to podcasts at the same tiime. I get focussed on what I am doing and then I catch something I have missed the start off, or I notice ten or twenty minutes have gone and I need to rewind, and it is hopeless frankly. I don’t get any art done or podcasts listened to. I can art while I listen to music or there is other background noise, but to listen actively is not going to happen when I get involved in a piece and isn’t that what we all want, to be involved i our pieces??

So. I was listening to the podcast and heard the voice in my head that asked if that was all I was going to do, and I saw my art journal I made for the elements class nearby and my oil pastels and I thought I would play while listening. Not do anything involved. Or that required my attention. Just play and listen. I have just started to love my pastels, but I don’t think I use them as well as I could. And I thought about how I knew they can be diluted with a solvent, but I hadn’t had a play yet. So I went and got my odourless solvent, and started listening and playing.

And this page resulted. I will admit that I had to rewind, but only once. I just played and doodled and dissolved (what fun) and eventually the flowers starting forming and I went with it. I don’t know if I will do more, for now it feels very spring and nice and simple and I am happy to leave as is. I know whether I prefer dissolving the pastels with a soft rag or a brush, and I played with layering light over dark and dark over light. I like how the “roses” came out so may pursue that in something else.

But I am okay with keeping it simple. I have been looking a lot at some journal pages that seem to be layered just for the sake of layering. And while I am good with that, I love layering, sometimes I think the message gets lost in all the layers. And I read this article and just thought a big AMEN! Sometimes simple is enough on it’s own. You don’t always need a million layers and bits of texture for the sake of texture poking through to give depth. And in fact sometimes that all detracts from what you are trying to show.

And here is the picture I made for my sister’s birthday today. The first picture is the unwaxed view and now it is waxed. The actual shoe is on book text and I am imagining a few of these…sneakers, wedges, strappy sandals, all on different coloured backrounds. I love the ruby slipper nature of these though and I think she will love it.